Things jokes
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
There were 3 Gay Fish in a Tank. One says to the others: "How do you drive this thing?"
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One thing is for sure, the victims from 9/11 died warm.
One thing you can ask Mario:
"Can you jump up and down for me?"
What thing can jump the highest?
Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
The 2nd worst thing that happened to an orphan was finding out the milk man passed.
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.
What’s the most annoying thing about licking bald pussy?
Putting the damn nappy back on afterwards...
"If you yeet one thing that has been yoted, the yeet gods will help you" - Chris Tyson, MrBeast's friend, and your mom >:)
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
Why did your parents abandon you?
Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
What was one cool thing about Hitler?
He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"
Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"
Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"
Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Grandpa said, "Yes."
Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"