The jokes
Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
Why is the orphan cold?
'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
What's the difference between orphans and apple trees?
The apples actually get picked.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.
So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂
COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.
You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!
What is the difference between underaged privileged children with bone cancer and you?
I like you!
A Chinese teacher's phone rang as he was going to class, and he said:
"My phone the ring ring, it's my wife ring ring."
Y'all, these 9/11 jokes ain't funny. I ordered a plain pizza in the Twin Towers.
I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.
What's the good thing about child perverts?
They drive slow in a school zone.
When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.
How do you get a hippy pregnant?
Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
How many white women does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. To hire the Mexicans.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."