The jokes
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What was Morgan Freeman called before the Civil War?
Morgan.
What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Harry Potter?
Only one came out of the chamber.
Why do Chinese people like playing Among Us?
It’s the only place they can vote!
What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Walking.
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
Someone on here said it previously:
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is until my mom took the urn away from me.