The jokes

What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?

"Two wongs don’t make a white."

What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?

When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.

Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

What's the square root of 2001?

9/11

I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.

Roses are red. The sun isn't shining. My mental state is rapidly declining.

Why can't black people have nightmares? Cause we shot the last one that had a dream.

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."

"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."

A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"

"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”