Back

The jokes

If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.

Why did the cow want to be an astronaut?

Because it wanted to see the Milky Way!

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?

At least one has a point.

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common? There used to be 2, but now they're a sensitive topic...

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

Said the man angered to his wife:

"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

The fourth month (symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.

That day is called "April Fool's."

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"

He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"

"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.

Wanna know the last words of the south tower?

"HAHA LOOK AT YOU! IMAGINE BEING HIT YOU L BOZO!"