The jokes
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
What do you call a Jedi that can use the force to fly?
A Jedi Flight.