The jokes
What was purple and conquered the world?
Alexander The Grape.
What college do cows go to?
The Mooniversity.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.
Yo mama so fat, she fell into a pond and all the fish drowned.
"BU" is the element of a surprise. Boo!
Why was the Roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was "Romin" around during war.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand? It was two tired...
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
What did the clock say when it got punched at noon?
It’s twelve o'clock.
What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT.