The jokes
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipses it!
Where do you find white people on a bench?
- The NBA.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he was stapled to the punk rocker.
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.
"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
Have you ever seen the clown in Walmart that hides from gay people?
No..... Really?
Hahaha
Grasshole.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.
What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to?
The Monkees and Gorillaz.
Yo mama's so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.