The jokes
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
What’s better than the best thing ever?
Me being mod.
"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"
Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."
Q: What did the AISH worker do on her lunch break? A: Five Guys.
Q: What's the difference between Danielle Smith and a flying piece of shit? A: One letter.
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
Yo, you have the biggest Oliver brain, which means you are the dumbest boy ever.
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
What did the SS say when A.H. was running out of ideas?
"You Wannsee my 'final solution'?"
Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?
A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.
Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?
A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.
What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
Why were glow-in-the-dark condoms made?
To play Star Wars.