The jokes

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."

So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"

She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"

The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"

"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.

The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.

"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."

An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!

One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.

The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"

The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."

What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?

Kick her.

Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

What do planes and offices have in common?

They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.

Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...

What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.

I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.

I can’t stand jokes about Germans.

They’re the wurst.

Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.

The South Tower proposed to the North Tower, but he said no.