The jokes
One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
When the drip is sus.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your shitty bloody duck on her favorite teddy bear.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your bloody shitty cock on her favorite teddy bear.
What did the German Shepherd dog say to Hitler?
"Mein Führer ist steckenbleiben in meinen Zähnen."
Cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
What did the egg say to the other egg?
"You crack me up!" 😂
What is the difference between an orphan and Pokemon?
People choose Pokemon.
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Jack and Jill went up the hill, so Jack could lick her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.
You're so fat that you're gonna be my next hamburger for dinner and the next In-N-Out, just like your parents.
Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.
They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.
Which way did the cow jump over the moon?
The Milky Way!
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.
I got caught masturbating in the bath by my mum!
I said, "Mum, I’ll wash it as hard and fast as I want!"