The jokes
Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).
1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.
3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.
4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.
5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.
8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.
Why were the Twin Towers upset? They ordered Domino's but got jets.
Why can't orphans have iPhones?
Because they can't find the home button.
Why were ET's eyes so big?
Because he saw the phone bill.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked!
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?
Because she’s dead.
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?
Because she can’t hear the sea.
Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.
What instrument do orphans play?
The sax alone.
How did the retard get hurt raking the leaves?
Fell out of the tree.
Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."
Why did the orphan jump into the burning building?
It was too cold because they did not have a home.
"The size doesn’t matter" - Ana from Frozen.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marrahwanah.
Jack got high, slapped her thigh, and then they had some fun.
Jill forgot to take her pills, and now they have a son.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jill’s real name was Randy.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.
What was George's last message to humanity before joining the others?
"I CAN'T BREATHE!"
I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."