The jokes
What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school? Because when the teacher says, "I want to have a parent/teacher conference," they just go about their day.
The "F" in "Orphan" stands for "Famulu."
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What's the difference between Mars and Africa? Mars has water.
What's the one school event that orphans don't go to?
Parents' evening.
Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.
Why was 10 scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Why can orphans never go to the shops?
'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.
Who discovered shrimp were edible?
Probably the same one who invented the blowjob.
My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.
Who remembers when Gwen was the only thing people talked about on this website?
You know how 7 8 9? Why was ten scared? 'Cos he was in the middle of 9/11.
How many letters are there in the alphabet? 26? No, 8!
When the Two Towers ordered pizza, all they got was plane.
What's the difference between yes and no...
Nothing.