The jokes
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
What is the most useless part of a vagina?
The woman.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Your mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete cracked up.
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because dad never came back with the milk.
Yo mama so black, when God saw her, he said, "Let there be light!" but twice.
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?
A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.
What is the same thing between apples and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
Have you ever been to the new Disney park called SawCon?
SawCon deez nutz!
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.