The jokes
I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
Who were the people that survived 9/11?
The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.
Why did the orphan try to fly? It was trying to find its parents.
Who are the fastest readers? The people who were in 9/11. They went through 91 stories in 1.2 seconds.
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.
Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.
Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?
Angela: His name is Kevin.
Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?
Angela: I don't know.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
The pilot that hit the Pentagon must suck at sex because he missed the hole.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples actually get picked.
What does a frozen loading screen and a Make-A-Wish kid have in common?
They both couldn't make it all the way.
I would tell a joke, but I’m sad my dad died in 9/11. He’s the greatest pilot that went down with the Twin Towers.
What do the Flintstones and the building next to the Twin Towers have in common? They both live next to the rubble.
Ya know, genders are kind of like the Twin Towers.
There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a touchy subject.
Why didn't Superman save the Twin Towers?
Because he's a quadriplegic.
There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.
The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔