The jokes
Want to know the difference between an orphan and a flower??
Flowers get picked.
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
Why was the duck arrested?
Because it was caught selling quack.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"
So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.
Top 1 best football player š in the world.
āThe guy who tackles the Make-A-Wish kid!ā
How do you keep a blind kid entertained?
You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piƱata.
Why did the orphan fail all his classes?
He couldnāt do his homework.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
The Twin Towers were like a woman stuck in the washer machine. They both got freed.
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.
Q: Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
A: Because their dad is shopping for the milk.