The jokes
Science flies you to the moon, while religion flies you into two towers.
What's long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.
What’s black and long?
The Chick-fil-A line.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
Why can't orphans use a phone?
Because they can't find the home button.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
I'm making a website for orphans. [I] won't add the home page.
Dad: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Dad: Because you’re going to need them there.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he had someone to call Father.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.
We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.
Then, she asked me flirtatiously,
"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet."
She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,
"Mom, are you still awake?"
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
Want to know the difference between an orphan and a flower??
Flowers get picked.