In the words of Kerk Cobane: "Check this sweet no scope!"
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
If you were a food, what would you be?
Friend 1: "Pizza, cause I'm so cheesy."
Friend 2: "Chocolate chip cookie, cause I have lots of friends."
Me: "Donut, cause I'm so empty inside."
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.
(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)
Why is a sweet potato casserole so sweet? Because it's so sweet to eat!
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
Did you sit in sugar?
Because you've got a sweet ass.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?
So it could have sweet dreams.
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit? Frankie: Pineapple duh what's yours? Tyler: Pineapple Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there? Frankie: Right Now Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom? Frankie: Now enough talk let's fuck Tyler: I fought you never asked
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
