Stand-up comedy jokes

What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?

Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.

Me: But you are not standing:)