Spending jokes

"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."

I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."