Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"
We have a teacher in school. His name is Haybrock, but he is gay, so we call him Gaybrock.
You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.
Yo mamas so fat when she went in the scale it said still counting
Yo mamas so fat she's both in the Atlantic and Pacific ocean.
Yo mama so fat, the Egyptians modeled the pyramids based on her.
Yo mama so fat, she was the iceberg that sank the Titanic.
Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!
Yo mama so fat Donald trump built a wall around her
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.
Yo mama so fat I couldn't the the store
Yo mama so ugly when she looked at the mirror I cracked up
Yo mama so ugly Donald trump said wrong
