SOS jokes

Your hairline is so far back that the United States got a front row seat!

Having sex in an elevator is wrong. On so many levels.

You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!

Why is the US so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.

Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"

Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"

God says, "You are what you are."

Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."

So if you are bored, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?🙄🙄

Why are orphans so bad at dodge ball?

They don't have a home to run to.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.

Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."

Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy!!!! I miss y'all, though!

Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3

Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.