SOS jokes

Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

Because they go down so well.

Your forehead is so big that your face touches your chin.

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.

Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.

You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.

Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"

Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.

So there was a reason why I hated math.

I suck at problem-solving.

Your forehead is so big you can land a jumbo jet on it.

Yo forehead so big it makes Megamind's forehead small.

So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

Your hairline is so far back, it left before your dad.

We were versing year 8 at footy, and they were mostly black, so I told my white friend to WATCH OUT!!!

Your forehead is so big, I bet your dreams are in IMAX.

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.

Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.

Your mom is so ugly she made a blind kid cry.