Why are Trump’s ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

one day I went skating and skated for so long that my feet were incredibly sore. It was like my skates were moving all by themselves but I decided to just roll with the situation

A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender I m here to assassinate John Tucker. The bartender replies he’s in the restroom. The hit man goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour. The bartender asks him did u kill him? The hitman replies with a sad face “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour and when I asked him what’s taking him so long he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started”.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill, Jack stopped and said to drunkin’ Jill to build this still will take so long, Jill said to Jack well F—k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill.

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