Sick jokes
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"
I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife leave him? She was sick of buying triple A batteries.
What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."
Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
Duck my sick.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
You people are sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!! None of these are funny. Sick sick sick!!!!!!!
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!