Shes Jokes

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

Yo momma so queer that she thinks Paige Stawicki will be the first female in the NHL.

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

Yo mama so old, she was accepted for the museum.

Yo mama so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter O... OBCD.

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

Yo mama so stupid, she joined the Squid Game as a sea life lover because she thought it was a game of whoever catches the most octopuses wins.

I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to an ugly contest, they told her, "No pros allowed."

Yo mama so fat, when she sits down she dislocates Earth out of its orbit.

Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.

The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."

The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."

Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."

Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.

Yo mama so fat when she went to the movie theater, she sits next to everyone.

Yo mama so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”

The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.