Shes jokes
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.
She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...
There was a woman sitting with me.
I had to leave until she pointed at somethingâit was my butt.
I was confused until it was her turn for truth or dare.
Oh my god, she hit me with a bat,
'Cause she was transgender.
Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!
Why did Ms. Grapes ð want to marry Mr. Grapes ð?
Because she loves raisin kids.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.
Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
I have a friend named Mole.
She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...
Why is Mrs. Grapes ð a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
Yo mama so hot, she can fit in a mug.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!