New Shelf Jokes

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

I did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf It was only 3/5 full

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.

A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!

They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.

What is a gay person's favorite book?

The dictionary.

If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.

Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.