Shaving jokes

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?

Putting the diaper back on.

Sir, I mustache you a question...

Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.

"Knock knock?"

"Mustache."

"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"

If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.

What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.

Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.