Scene jokes

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every scene has a cast!

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

Snake one: Are we venomous?

Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?

Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.

What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."

A twin engine has two engines.

If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.

Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?

ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.

Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?

He didn't have the guts to see it.

Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.

I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.

How many shades of gray does it take to make a dirty movie?

50.

A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."

I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"

A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"

The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."

Odo walks down the alley and turns into a bar.