Report jokes

I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.

One of the students reported a school shooting.

That fucking snitch...

A father of a young girl comes and meets the doctor.

Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?

Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.

Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.

Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?

Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.

Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.

A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!

Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?

Reports say there's a small medium at large!

Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.