Repairman jokes

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

What do you take care of after a car crash?

The witnesses.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.

You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.