Recruitment jokes

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Why does the military recruit orphans?

Because homing missiles don’t target them.

I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"

(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)

MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?

BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!

MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?

BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!

MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?

BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.

MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.

BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!

(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)

MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!

Man: I'm here for the job interview.

Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.

Man: Just anywhere?

Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?

Man: Yeah, that's me.

(Shakes hands and sits back down)

Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?

Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.

Employer: I like you already, you're hired!

Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!

Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.

Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?

Employer: No.

Man: This... This is a photography job, right?

Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.

Why does a deaf kid always like football? He gets signed.

The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the fresh recruit on the enemy's side die for his.

Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?

He always gets a great turnout.

Joe, I wish you had never asked me to scout for a fresh tight end.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.

I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it's a family company...

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.