Candidate jokes

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?

His running mate has 34 of them!

Hillary Clinton

Joe Biden said he was going to a petting zoo.

Trump said schools are not petting zoos.

If I ever ran for public office, I'd make Rajan a call center employee again.

Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.

He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.

Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.

Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.

(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)

MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?

BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!

MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?

BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!

MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?

BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.

MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.

BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!

(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)

MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!

What does Trump stand for?

Trump Runs Underneath My Penis.

Someone asked the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton why she lost the 2016 presidential election to Donald John Trump, and the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said, "Because someone asked her what she would do for a Klondike Bar?"