Peace jokes
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”
“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.