Parental advice jokes

Why did the orphan go to church?

To hear some "foster" parenting advice.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."

Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."

I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.

Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.

A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”

The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”