Parental advice jokes

Why did the orphan go to church?

To hear some "foster" parenting advice.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.

If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.

I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.

When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."