Outing

Outing jokes

Add joke

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.

  • 1

    • Damn, DIN just went over me and I'm trying to figure out what it is. A camel's dick.

    Tonight I'll be eating freshly grown pork cutlets with a fresh juicy amount of Poké Balls.

    Do you get what I am trying to poke out?

    Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?

    Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.

    So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.

    On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"

    Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

    On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"

    Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

    On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"

    Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"

    Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"

  • 5

    • My favorite sex position is the JFK:

    I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.

    Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

    Son, he is dinner.

    A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.

    The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."

    Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."

    Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.

    "Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."

  • 0

    • Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

    While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

    So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

  • 7

    • Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”

    Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

    First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

    "The canons be ready, Captain!"

    "Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

    "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!