OR jokes

Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.

Sister: No, I won't stop.

Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.

Sister: What? You will see when I post it.

Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?

Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.

One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

Would it be wrong of me to yell “Jenga!” or “Timber!” while my class is watching a 9/11 documentary?

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

Hello, which do y'all think is more embarrassing to have, is it autism or Down syndrome?

What did the rapper say to the ATM?

"Show me the money, or I'll drop a BEAT!"

Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?

My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).

Grass is green. I am the queen. If only I can see you scream on the screen.

Things that rhyme with green, queen, screen: clean, between, been, ...

What falls quicker off a tree? The leaf or the emo?

The leaf, because the emo is stopped by the rope.

What fell first, the emo kid or the leaf? The leaf, 'cause the emo kid just hung.

Emo people are like other emo people, they're emo. Laugh now or I'll cut your eyes out. Tee hee!

What hit the floor first, the emo or the apple? The apple, the rope stopped the emo.

Hello worstjokesever.com, I am not typing but instead using a microphone to speech, ding me a period.

I don’t see what’s coming up, but I don’t know why I am sending, so it will be random or funny or just stupid, LOL. So like and subscribe and...

Who would win in a race, Stephen Hawking or a turtle?

The turtle, because it can walk.

Can an orphan child be arrested for vandalism, or will the officers ask for their parents to talk to?

Hello, I am Alan Shawn Feinstein. I would like to know who the owner of this website "worstjokesever.com" is.

I am interested in buying this website. Please respond to me in the comments or email me. Thank you, and keep doing good things.

What are two things you could call a fart?

"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"