Onto jokes

Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.

They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.

One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.

What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?

Hamburg-ER.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"