Onto jokes
In Antarctica, there are ice dicks for ladies to hop onto.
Little do they know I've been waiting for this moment.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?
Hamburg-ER.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!" The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"