Old people jokes

Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."

Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?

Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.

At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"

At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"

What do old people have when they are sick.

A going away party.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.

Old people all ways get in the way some times don't they all ways to sloow when they are in front of you and make silly exsgouses dont they it is some times beyond a joke ! Lol

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

Where are fart bombs made?

Old people's arses!

What does Leo have in common with a newspaper?

They both love to yap and babble, and they always get fondled by old people.

Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?

He does not like roasted vegetables.

Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

Old ladies are non existent.

Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.

Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?

Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?