No jokes
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
Why did the girl never go upstairs?
Because she had no legs.
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms!
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?
Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" -- "No-eye-deer."
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Can a match box? No, but a tin can.