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Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.

Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”

“Under my bench,” he replies.

Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.

Girlfriend: No.

Boyfriend: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you want sex.

Boyfriend: No, I don't.

NEXT MINUTE

The man could hear banging.

Why did Sally fall dead?

Because she was on top of a tower and fell because she had no arms. Hahahahaha!

My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

I got to work.

Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.

Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.

Boss: Have a nice day.

Ben: Ok, bye!

Boss:??

Why can an orphan only get an iPhone X?

Because there is no home button.

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

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    • I have no toes, so I put blood on my foot, and then my other foot got run over, so, ye.

    A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”

    Bf: Do you love me?

    Gf: Most of the time.

    Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.

    Gf:...

    Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?

    Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.

    Bf: Why?

    Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.

    Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!

    Gf: Ohh...

    Aiden's the best, in any contest, and no matter what, he'll kick your butt!

    Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.

    Please no harsh comments toward each other.

    You: Find a time clock that can change time.

    Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

    You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

    Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

    Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?

    Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?

    Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.

    Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.

    Son: And you got $0.00.

    Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?

    You have to look down to see him.