Worst Jokes Ever
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great πthon.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.
A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort it.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Honda? Just the Honda.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?
There is sperm on the computer screen.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They can't find home.
No one has my back like my dad.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".
I like the iceberg... my favorite character was the iceberg!
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
Because they need a parent’s signature.
One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"
The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."
A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"
The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."
Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."
Why did Stephen Hawking stop playing hide and seek with his wife?
She kept getting the metal detector out.
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!