Worst Jokes Ever
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
Your momma is so stupid, when someone said it’s chilly outside, she brought a spoon and bowl.
Boy, your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.
Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.
I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.
Why was the orphan able to avoid getting into trouble at school?
Because they couldn’t call his parents!
How do you fit a whale inside a car? A blender.
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
I slit my wrists.
When you end up pregnant...
Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂
Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.
Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.
What do you call roller skates you can walk in?
"Wock n' roll."
What do astronauts 👩🚀 do when they’re on break?
They eat launch. 🚀🥪
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
Why can't an orphan make a YouTube channel?
'Cause they can't make it family friendly.
If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.