What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?
"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."
Worst Jokes Ever
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.
Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.
Ya nan does gymnastics with her boyfriends.
Why did the bee get married?
Because she found her honey.
Aarif
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
What's the sun's favorite chocolate? Mars bar.
Smack an orphan, what’s he gonna do... tell his parents?
I'm a clown.
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"
Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."
The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"
Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."
The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"
Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Someone: Hey, are you a skeleton?
A skeleton: Of course, I have a SKELE-ton of fans!
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
What do you call a scared octopus?
An octopussy.
