Worst Jokes Ever
What do you get from a co-worker with epilepsy for being accused of harassment? A "seize" and desist letter.
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
A termite walks into the bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"
"Yale."
"And what was your name again?"
"Yackson."
What do George Floyd and Jordan Neely have in common?
Both can't breathe.
Kobe never died, he just faded away.
Why don't black lives matter anymore?
Because a harvester is more efficient at picking crops than slaves.
My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.
Why is Transgender Day of Visibility on April Fool's Day?
Because all trannies are clowns and no one takes them seriously.
If African immigrants are supposed to stay in their country, why can't their resources do the same?
Are you a Muslim, because you're the bomb?
What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?
"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"
What is the difference between Reform and Restore UK?
The Name.
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
Yo mama is so ugly that Bumble accused her of catfishing.