Worst Jokes Ever

I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.

According to the Police report, what did one traffic signal say to the other?

"Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light..."

Roses are tree.

I shoved a battery up my butt.

Loona from Helluva Boss is a retarded mutt.

So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.

I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)

So apparently, Kurt Cobain's death was mind-blowing.

What do you call an annoying emo kid?

A nuisance.

What do you call it when a tranny commits suicide?

A good start.

I don't ignore dwarfs, I just overlook them.

What's a fat Mexican woman's favorite movie? Tortanic.

What’s a necrophiliac’s safe word? I’m alive.

What do atoms and parents have in common to orphans? You can't see either of them.

The quiet kid, orphan, and school shooter walked into a bar, and he ordered a beer.

The only thing the orphan learned from his dad is the hide-and-seek skill to hide for 18 years. He tried it out; now he has infinite milk.

They didn't know where to put the orphan. He was returned from the hospital he was born from; the parents gained one cent, while the orphan gained potatoes as friends.

An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."

What do Donald Trump and a dick have in common?

Liberals can't keep either one out of their mouths.

What is the Twilight series about?

A girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality.

Why should you shoot a homeless crackhead in the head?

Because they're basically zombies.

I want to be a bag so we can be together.

Burn witches and stone whores.