Worst Jokes Ever
What did the man do when he caught his wife cheating on him?
He honor-killed her.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
Australia needs YOUR help!
ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
Q. Who do you call when a baby with anencephaly is born? A. The funeral home.
Q. What do you call a baby with anencephaly? A. Anything you want, it's not like it's gonna answer you.
What do you call a Vietnamese antivirus scanner?
An-Thi-cho-rho-na.
Putin is the only person whose country is bigger than his mind.
On April Fools' Day, there is no fool except for me.
What does Meg do when she gets a cold sore?
She bathes in diarrhea.
I wanted to open a restaurant for the hearing impaired, but the slogan "Enjoy without hesitation" didn't go down so well.
All the children ate at the Indian restaurant, except for Simon, because he was eaten by the restaurant owner.
What came first: the chicken or the egg?
Doesn't matter, in the future, they'll come together.
The only thing worse for a man than the end of the world is a testicular clinic.
What do gay Minecraft players do?
Stare at their big blocks.