Worst Jokes Ever
What is 6-inch long, in every men's pants or hands, and girls want?
- A smartphone, freak.
What did the computer say when it was tired of the user?
Kiss my ASCII!
I just went to a Halloween party for rappers and rap DJs from the Czech Republic, and everyone was dressed in the same costume! I couldn't tell which witch was Wich!
What is a Christian's favorite social networking site?
Faithbook!
I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!
It's called "The Bad Batch File!"
Why did the deer go to the dentist?
It had buck teeth.
What do you call a lesbian pirate?
Red Beard.
What do black lesbians say about pussy?
"Smells like chicken, tastes like chicken."
Why did the emo trade his knife for a chainsaw?
- To win
Why are farts a nice break for emos?
They get to cut cheese.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A Milano’s cherry.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?
The look they give you while you’re nailing them.
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
Why can't lesbians wear makeup while on a diet?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig while Mary Kay is sitting on their face.
A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She says, "Yes, I am."
He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The ten minutes of silence.
What attracted Jeffrey Dahmer to abortion clinics?
- He smelled veal.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when done with his black dates?
He dumped them.
Why did Jeffrey Dahmer only date black men?
Nutella!
I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.