Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?

A clock.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.

12 months of training completely wasted.

An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.

Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!

Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.

Doctor: I didn’t.

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.

It was a Risk I was willing to take.

Pirate

What does every pirate hate?

A small chest with no booty.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.

Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

Dishwasher

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

Michael Jackson

What show would have made Michael Jackson a superstar for television? To Catch a Predator, for obvious reasons.

What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.

Michael Jackson

Who is the new heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson (pedophile)?

R. Kelly.