Morbid comparison jokes

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.

What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.

Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.

Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.

Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.

Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.