Middle

Middle jokes

Guy

    • Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.

    The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!

  • 8

    • School

    • All school meeting introductions:

    Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”

    Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”

    High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”

  • 0

    • Woman

    • So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.

  • 6

    • Orange

    • Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?

    Please take this down, it's not funny at all!

    It's a joke, not a dick, so don't take it so hard!

    Bomb

    • "You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

    In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

  • 16

    • Baby

    • What's better than a pile of dead babies?

    One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.

  • 0

    • Fridge

    • Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

    Guy

    • What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

  • 1

    • Food

    • There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.

  • 0

    • Bus

    • So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).

  • 4

    • Boner

    • A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?

    - A boner.

  • 5