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Cosmo the Intern

U.S. NOV 19, 2024 78 Views: 30,846
Trump To Round Up Illegals With Taco
Trap
WASHINTON, D.C. - In a stealth move aimed at rounding up as many
illegal immigrants as possible, President-Elect Donald Trump was
reportedly finalizin...

Heroin Monkey

Keep back from
the platform edge
or you may get sucked off

Heroin Monkey

Jake Paul digging
up Muhammad Ali
to fight him next

Heroin Monkey

YOU JUST
WANT FREE
STUFF!!
CUTS
TAX
Affordable
Housing
UNIVERSAL
HEALTHCARE
W
AFFORDAB
COLLEGE

Adolf Nigler

When you're balls are blue, but you Klux Klan's Ku...

peter Griffin 2.0

what the

FOLICE
Man Murdered 8 gang
members under an hour
after being told his sister
was raped
27 mins
US&anada
How bro must've felt:
245
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"Lil Vinny - Wanna Be Me Official
Bro is Mr. Aura himself
If We Being Real Yeat

Heroin Monkey

Aladdin taught me that good
things happen to those who rub
one out

Heroin Monkey

I swear, I tried to tell
him a Diddy party is not
regular party.
ورالدي

Heroin Monkey

FEBRUARY
Saturday
Right, I know it's been a while since I wrote in this,
but a whole lot has happened so let me fill you in on
everything.
Manny Heffley is the personification of human sin. Do
you wanna know the reason he tried to get me killed?
DATS FOWR NAWT
TEACHING ME HOW
TWO TIE MY SHOES,
YOU FUCKING PLOOPY.
I'M ONWEE
THWEE, BUBBY!
HEWP ME TIE MY
GAWDDAYUM
SHOES.
So I punted that little shit into the wall..
I should have paid more attention to Miom though, because
she actually stuck by her word for once. She managed to
shoot me in both legs and break i
my.
fucking kneecaps.
11

Heroin Monkey

MOM WHAT
THE FUCK!?
HOLY SHIT,
IT'S GREG!
MOM was GIVING HER WHOLE HEAD to Mr.
Winsky, and Vice Principal Roy is FUCKING DEAD!
As soon as I walked in these fuckers immediately acted
like they weren't just fucking crawling over each other.
That filthy homewrecker Mr. Winsky sent Mom and told
her to take me home. Fucking delinquents.
I have to tell Dad that Mom is a whore somehow. This
bitch needs to be sent to the streets.
3

Heroin Monkey

Long story short, Patty got the secret out and Mr.
Jizzle told me to go to the vice principal's office. Fun.
When I got to the door, there was this bouncing noise,
kind of like jumping on a bed that's about to break or
those shitty sofas at the antique shops Mom always goes
to. The blinds were closed so I couldn't see what was
happening.
After a while of listening, I could hear two voices
laughing and giggling. It just hit me.
What the two voices were saying sounded exactly like the
porno! These people were! having SEX in a FUCKING
SCHOOL!
ROY
I opened the door, and oh boy, you'll be surprised
about who I saw.
2

Heroin Monkey

Monday
DECEMBER
Today was fucking dreadful.
Me and the boys were just watching porn on the
school computers in computer science. Nothing harmful.
You know how it goes, though. There's always s
bitch across the room, just waiting, dying to ruin the
fun.
Some
WHAT
GREG IS WATCHING
PORNOGRAPHY, MR
JIZZLE!
"PANT
PANT
THE
ZFUCK?!
The next time I see
snitch is fucking dead.
Patty, I swear to god, that
1

Heroin Monkey

DAD IS FUCKING DEAD. HE SHOT HIMSELF.
Rodrick and I heard a bang come from the basement, and
the first thing we see is DAD ON THE FLOOR WITH
A BULLET IN HIS FUCKING HEAD. When Mom
turned around, I tell she looked batshit crazy. She
was
you
holding a glock and looked like a fucking animal.
I'M GONNA
BREAK YOUR
FUCKING
LEGS GREG
WHAT THE
HELL?!
She then threatened us for answers for who told Dad,
and when I thought things couldn't get any i
BUBBY
DID IT!
worse...
HE had to fuck shit up.
10

Heroin Monkey

Monday
It's been almost a full week since we told Dad that
Mom's a slut and now he looks like a fucking ghost.
He's just been lying around like a limp dick recently.
2
I've been watching the news a lot lately. Apparently i
they've got a huge lead on who killed Mr. Roy, which is
fucking lovely. I just can't wait to have
the fucking feds.
my
how
house raided by
Rodrick seems pretty okay with it though. Since Dad
doesn't care about anything anymore, Rodrick's been doing
band practice more than ever, which means more noise for
me. Great.
On the plus side, I did manage to pick up where I left
off with the Twisted Wizard hentai, which was pretty
poggers. Definitely my proudest nut.
8

Heroin Monkey

It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.

Heroin Monkey

MENTAL
HEALTH SUPPORT
MAN WHO WANTS
TO KILL HIMSELF
BAYSAL
WOMAN FEELING
A BIT DOWN TODAY
000

RapBoat 2

My Mixtapez
MM
@mymixtapez - 2h
Mark Zuckerberg seen cookin' up in the studio with
T-Pain O
AUTO
It's happening guys
AT ZUA
AUT NI

A Star Wars Fan

When you order a book called "How
to scam people" and it still hasn't
arrived after 3 months:

MEME LORD

When u RAW DOGGIN her for 3 hours
straight with back to back rounds & she
stops u *sighs* & says "Do u think
they'll ever find a cure for AIDS?"
SEXOT EASON

Heroin Monkey

STOP BLAMING
YOURSELF AND OTHERS
LEARN FENG SHUI &
BLAME THE FURNITURE

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